This article is a good compliment to the ‘Power of Pause’ we discussed in our 2nd session of the February 2026 Emotional Sobriety Series. This important way of ‘moving toward’ with curiosity what we used to ‘move away’ from with judgment … When something difficult arises — irritation, fear, shame — try pausing and practicing moving toward this with curiosity and maybe even a little compassion … u may find it begins to reveal a lot more clarity and sense of connection. Friendly Circle Berlin is a very interesting, innovative group that has a desire to bring cutting edge new insights into recovery with their theme ‘Recovery Reimagined’ – Bruce M.
Over the past two weeks, two of our presenters — Bob Falconer (IFS) and Donna Martin (Hakomi) — both pointed to the same simple starting place for real self-exploration.
Not fixing. Not analysing. Not trying harder.
Curiosity.
Just the willingness to pause and wonder about our own experience.
A subtle shift
It often begins with a small but significant movement — away from judgment, toward openness.
From: “What is wrong with me?”
To: “What is happening here?”
That second question opens something. It creates a little more space. A little more room to actually see what’s there.
Two kinds of curiosity — Bob Falconer
In his talk with us, Bob Falconer put it simply:
“Real curiosity is a panacea in the inner world. But there are two kinds. There’s Sherlock Holmes curiosity — narrow, focused, trying to nail things down. And then there’s wide open, heart-centred curiosity.”
It’s that second kind he’s pointing to. Not curiosity that’s hunting for an answer or trying to fix something. Curiosity that simply stays open.
From that place, instead of trying to get rid of a difficult feeling, we can begin to ask: What might this part of me be trying to do for me?
Curiosity as medicine — Donna Martin
Donna Martin calls curiosity a kind of medicine — an invitation to become fascinated by what we notice in our body and experience, rather than rushing to correct it.
In the Hakomi approach, healing isn’t something we force. It’s something we allow — by getting interested in what’s already present, rather than trying to make it different.
The door many of us walked through
Many people find their way into recovery through exactly this door.
Not with certainty. Not with answers. But with a quiet question: “How did these people change their lives?”
Curiosity is often what keeps someone in the room long enough to find out.
A small practice for the week:
When something difficult arises — irritation, fear, shame — try pausing and asking:
“Can I get a little curious about this?”
Not to fix it. Just to see what’s there. Often that’s enough for something to begin to shift. 💛
In care for what heals and connects,
Friendly Circle Berlin
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