Healing Our Jekyll/Hyde Divided Self

Many of us relate to the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as capturing the reality of how we live and experience our lives. There has been a war within us. This war within us doesn’t always subside when we enter sobriety. Unfortunately, this internal war contributes to the quality of our sobriety and in some cases lead some of us back to relapse and even death.

So, the point of this section of our website is to explore this incredibly important war within and to begin to offer some possibilities for healing this divide. Some of these possibilities draw from outside resources not just from AA.

Let’s look at some references to Mr. Hyde that are presented in the Big Book and in Bill W’s famous Grapevine article: Emotional Sobriety: The Next Frontier:

Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Big Book published in 1939 p. 22)

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval , perfect security , and perfect romance — urges quite appropriate to age seventeen — prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty – seven or fifty – seven. How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result , and so into easy , happy , and good living — well , that’s not only the neurotic’s problem , it’s the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all our affairs. Even then , as we hew away , peace and joy may still elude us. That’s the place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it’s a hell of a spot , literally. How shall our unconscious — from which so many of our fears , compulsions , and phony aspirations still stream — be brought into line with what we actually believe , know , and want! How to convince our dumb , raging , and hidden “ Mr . Hyde ” becomes our main task (Next Frontier Grapevine Article Jan 1958)

So, let’s begin by taking a very different approach to Mr. Hyde. Let’s get curious about Mr. Hyde and avoid judging him. Let’s try to practice what the 11th step prayer suggests to ‘seek to understand not to be understood’. I’ve heard this expressed this way … my additions in italics below:

Since addiction rates are setting records every day in the United States and around the world, banishment and control efforts are clearly backfiring.

We propose a different treatment for addictive processes which flips the prevailing approach to treatment on its head. Rather than exiling their addictive part (i.e. Mr. Hyde), you are encouraged to listen to it, learn how it has been trying to protect you, and honor its efforts. At first glance, this seems dangerous and counterintuitive – why honor a disease or a compulsive, self destruction that is ruining someone’s body, their family, and their life?

…Often addictive parts (i.e. Mr Hyde) are desperately trying to distract or numb us from vulnerable emotions such as pain, shame, and terror(i.e Unconscious) or they’re trying to keep at bay other scary protectors like self-hate or suicide.

We need clear guidelines for negotiating a ceasefire between our cautious, shaming, managerial protectors (i.e. Dr. Jekyll) and their rebellious , compulsive, addictive protectors (i.e Mr Hyde). Then we get permission to go – with the curiosity and compassion of Self (i.e. Unsuspected Inner Resource – Appendix 2) – to the frightened, shocked, shamed parts (i.e. Our Unconscious Wounded Exiles) who are being protected and who need to be healed.
Internal Family Systems Therapy for Addiction p.ix by Cece Sykes, Martha Sweezy and Richard Swartz

One of the titles to ‘As Bill Sees It’ articles I find most compelling is ‘Pain Killer or Pain Healer’. A way of thinking about our sobriety journey is changing our relationship with pain. Dr. Gabor Matte author of the best selling book “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – Close Encounters With Addiction” expresses it this way:

Addiction originates in a human being’s desperate attempt to solve a problem: the problem of emotional pain, of overwhelming stress, of lost connection, of loss of control, of a deep discomfort with the self. In short, it is a forlorn attempt to solve the problem of human pain. Hence my mantra: “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.”

And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person’s lived experience, beginning with childhood. Childhood trauma is the template for addiction—any addiction. All addictions are attempts to escape the deep pain of the hurt child, attempts temporarily soothing but ultimately futile. This is no less true of the socially successful workaholic, such as I have been, than of the inveterate shopper, sexual rover, gambler, abject street-bound substance user or stay-at-home alcoholic mom.

Not only is the urge to escape pain shared by all addicts, substance users or not, the same brain circuits are involved in all addictions, from shopping to eating to dependence on heroin and other opioids. The same brain circuits, the same brain systems involving pleasure and reward and incentive, the same neurochemicals—not to mention the same emotional dynamics of shame and lack of self-worth, and the same behaviors of denial and dishonesty and subterfuge.

It is time to realize, then, addiction is a psychological and physiological response to painful life experiences.

Finally, a word about childhood trauma and its relation to addiction. When people see this word, they often— perhaps naturally—assume that we are speaking of terrible events, such as abuse, sexual exploitation, the death of parents, violence in the home, and so on. And surely, as the research abundantly shows, the more such experiences a child has to endure, the exponentially greater his or her risk of addiction. But trauma is not restricted to horrific experiences. It refers to any set of events that, over time, impose more pain on the child than his or her sensitive organism can process and discharge. Therefore, trauma can occur not only when bad things happen, but also when the parents are too stressed, too distracted, too depressed, to beset by economic worry, too isolated, etc. to respond to a sensitive child’s emotional need to be seen, emotionally held, heard, validated, made to feel secure. Such is the reality behind many a story of “happy childhood.” In fact, the denial of one’s pain, the splitting off of distress from conscious memory, is one of the outcomes of trauma.
The Universal Experience of Addiction, Dr. Gabe Matte

After well over 20 years of sobriety … after the writing and publishing of Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions … after seeing a global phenomenon mysteriously arise in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous … Bill W articulates this reality that so many of us face while sober … ‘peace and joy may still elude us … how shall our unconscious be brought into line with what we actually believe, know, and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden “Mr. Hyde” becomes our main task.’

So, this section of the website attempts to bring new information to bear on these key questions Bill W asks such as :

How to move from pain killer to pain healer
How shall our unconscious be brought into line with what we believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging, and hidden “Mr Hyde”

We’ve already introduced a few important concepts on how to approach this healing.

The first concept is to accept our intuitive understanding that we have multiple parts … to begin to see that in addition to just the idea of Jekyll/Hyde, we may have many other parts that fit into three categories … Manager parts (i.e. Dr. Jekyll), Firefighter parts (Mr. Hyde), and Exiled parts (i.e. Unconscious, Left Behind Wounded Parts). And it’s also true, as the Big Book explains to us in Appendix 2 that we may have an ‘unsuspected inner resource’ a spiritual resource that modern science is now recognizing as an essence that can be masked or hidden but one that is indestructible and always with us …even after unspeakable terrors and traumas. A sunlight of the Spirit that maybe hidden but still present although perhaps mysteriously unknown. A way to refer to this Higher Power is our True Self. One of my favorite Grapevine article describes this essence of what lies within us this way:

If there’s something deep inside that’s smarter and kinder, then why not listen to it ?

I have been sober nearly 28 years now, and I still can’t say much about a God “out there,” one that created the universe, involves itself in natural events or dispenses the occasional convenient parking spot on a lucky day.

I have, however, had a deep and effective spiritual experience as a result of the AA Steps bringing me into contact with “an unsuspected inner resource” (which I call God as a matter of convenience). If someone asks, I might just say that there’s something inside of me that’s smarter and kinder than I am, and I think I’ll listen to it.

It is easy enough to give alcoholism a personality: it’s cunning, baffling and powerful. It is patient, doesn’t discriminate, and it wants to kill me. It’s tied up in a tangle of knots with my selfishness, pride and fear. So it seems reasonable to personify the other side, the “place” within from which emanates love, honesty, compassion, sanity and a willingness to help others. And it seems reasonable to appeal to this place—to state a willingness to live my life under its guidance. I call this appeal “prayer.”
Unsuspected Inner Resource – Grapevine Article by Dan H. February 2016

Many of us may be able to relate to some of the more common manifestations of the kinds of parts that occur when we attempt to protect ourselves from reopening the wounds of our lives. We may want to manage better and when that fails we may react impulsively and outwardly irrationally in a way to protect us from again opening these wounds and experiencing our pain.

Below are some examples of Proactive, Controlling Manager Parts and their key characteristics and fears along with Impulsive Reactive Firefighter Parts. One of the most important foundations of this work of getting to know and heal our parts is an acceptance that there are ‘No Bad Parts’ … all of them were created with the goal of promoting our survival. However, many of them have taken on destructive roles as they have felt alone and polarized in conflict with these other also isolated parts. A key to healing is getting to know these parts and to accept these parts as they begin to trust an Unsuspected Inner Resource within that may be available to them and can help them relax and take on more productive roles.

COMMON BEHAVIORS OF MANAGER PARTS IN ADDICTIVE SYSTEMS

Blaming critic: Attacks firefighters with hostility and contempt

Shaming judge: Evaluates firefighter behaviors as immoral or bad

Perfectionist: Is terrified of mistakes and assumes only one way is correct

Logical rationalist: Analyzes what to do by considering facts, not emotions

Intellectual: Prefers talking about problems instead of taking action

Striver: Is highly competitive and demanding with self and others

Rescuer: Prevents other people from experiencing the natural consequences of their risk-taking behavior • Fixer: Assumes personal responsibility for other people’s actions or problems

Caretaker: Has excessive concern about other people’s feelings

Over-giver: Is generous to a fault and struggles with boundaries

Know-it-all: Is always right and wants things done their way

Controller: Attacks firefighters and anyone else who doesn’t conform to norms

COMMON MANAGER CHARACTERISTICS IN ADDICTIVE SYSTEMS

They are responsible, compulsive workers who get tasks completed and value being productive and good. (The part may say: This is the real me.)

They care about appearances and make efforts to seem legitimate, valuable, and normal.

They are chronically anxious and vigilant. They can’t relax or trust anyone—not the Self, firefighters, nor exiles—so they are very self-reliant.

They work overtime to prevent exiles and firefighters from taking over by engaging in hostile, shaming, and blaming behavior

They operate from the neck up and minimize or dismiss feelings.

COMMON MANAGER FEARS

Fear of the chaos and unpredictability created when firefighters are in action

Fear that feelings of shame and worthlessness will flood the internal system, especially after firefighter activity

Fear that the Self is not strong enough to help firefighters, often doubting that the Self exists

Fear that secrets, old memories, and painful emotional wounds will be exposed and reinjured

Fear that nothing will change, that firefighters cannot change their behavior, and that the underlying isolation, grief, and shame cannot be healed

COMMON BEHAVIORS OF FIREFIGHTER PARTS IN ADDICTIVE SYSTEMS

Alcohol use

Prescription or street drug use

Disordered eating (bingeing, purging, comfort eating, or restricting)

Gambling and overspending

Sexual preoccupation, chronic sexual fantasizing, or sexual risk-taking

Self-harm (cutting, head banging, etc.)

Suicidal ideation or attempts

Rage, violence, exploitation, or abuse of others

•Dissociating, tuning out, getting “lost,” or lacking awareness of the present

Fantasizing about idealized images of success, power, or perfect relationships

Internal Family Systems Therapy for Addiction p.ix by Cece Sykes, Martha Sweezy and Richard Swartz

Next, let’s see if we can better understand the war within. Another word to describe this battle within us is polarization. Here are some of the typical ways this polarization reflects itself.

THE POLARIZATION CYCLE

Fragile, underlying exiles who feel deficient, inadequate, and abandoned—for any number of reasons, both historical and present-day—activate due to external interactions or challenges in life.

Managers ignore or try to contain these vulnerable parts by getting busy, concentrating on tasks or the needs of others, keeping the person in their head, or using criticism to goad the exile into improving and becoming acceptable.

Noting the exile’s distress and shamefulness, firefighters take over, using substances and various practices (whatever it takes!) to mask or medicate emotional pain.

Exiles feel sick, degraded, fearful, and isolated.

Managers mobilize again:

Task managers frantically mobilize to get operations back on track in hopes of regaining fleeting control and self-respect.

Critical, moralizing managers attack, vilify, and shame firefighters for their repeated transgressions.

Firefighters return to the addictive practice again (something, anything!) to further medicate the pain, block out the shame, and deny consequences.

Vulnerable exiles, unsought and unwanted, feel abandoned again, which reinforces their sense of being hopeless and unlovable. The cycle continues.
Internal Family Systems Therapy For Addictions p. 21, 22 by Cece Sykes, Martha Sweezy, and Richard Schwartz

Now, I’d like us to go to a section of the Doctor’s Opinion at the beginning of AA’s Book Book. I see great parallels between what the Big Book is describing as our pattern and what was just related in this Polarization Cycle.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
AA Big Book , Doctor’s Opinion XXVIII, XXIX

I hope what has been shared has stimulated your curiosity and interest. Below are five short videos that begin to answer some of the questions you may have about this work with parts and our Core Self. This model is called Internal Family Systems (IFS).

I find Dr. Tori Olds to be a very effective communicator and translator of the tremendous opportunity this approach may have to enhance our sobriety and our lives. The discovery that ‘I am deeper than my wounds’ may be incredibly exciting and life changing.

After those videos, you’ll find a whole set of additional resources that may help you more fully explore ways to heal this divide and war in us so many of us still experience.