This mashup of two articles should allow us to explore what lies after the dash in the 1st Step …‘that our lives had become unmanageable’. Is our goal in sobriety to manage/control OR is it to learn to wisely navigate through a reality of what we can control and what we cannot? How do we become more skilled in distinguishing between what we can and can’t control?
If you find this shift from control to navigation resonates with you; you might also find this poem ‘Tis the Set of the Sail’ helpful. It’s in the new emerging section of gugogs.org entitled ‘Recovery Poems’. – Bruce M.
Step 1 Understanding What Is Unmanageable – Recovery The Sacred Art By Rami Shapiro
If I’m in control, I’m not powerless. If I’m not powerless, my life is not unmanageable; I am only refusing to manage it. The error here is to assume that life’s unmanageability stems from our powerlessness. On the contrary, the unmanageability of our lives is not caused by powerlessness; powerlessness is a symptom of life’s unmanageability. Life in and of itself is unmanageable. Whether we have an addiction or not, life is not ours to control. While it may be true (and I think it is true) that our present actions influence our future, the future is going to happen in one form or another no matter what we say or do, or don’t say and do. Life just happens.
At its deepest, Step One is not saying we are powerless over some things and powerful over others. It is saying we are powerless over life itself. Life is not something we control or manage. Life is something that happens to us, in us, and through us. We respond to what life brings; we do not control what it brings.
Recognizing life’s fundamental unmanageability can lead either to despair or freedom. It leads to despair if we continue to cling to the notion that life should be manageable, that we should be in control. With this in mind we set out to grab the power needed to manage life and bend it to our will. There is no amount of power that can do this, and in the end we are exhausted, beaten, and apt to assume that life is futile, and all efforts to make our lives successful, meaningful, or joyous are a waste of time.
Recognizing life’s fundamental unmanageability leads to freedom if we realize that our inability to control life is not the same as having no way to meaningfully navigate it. Just because I can’t control the sea doesn’t mean I can’t learn how to swim in it. Just because I can’t manage the wind doesn’t mean I can’t tap into its power. Just because I can’t manage my life doesn’t mean I can’t live it justly and with compassion. Manageability and control are beyond me, but living wisely and well are not.
Who Is In Control – Courage To Change Reflection December 15th
For some time Step Three eluded me. How could I turn my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power? I earnestly tried, but I always took everything right back into my own hands. It felt so scary to think that I was not in control. I found it hard to trust that my Higher Power would be there for me if I let go completely. Again and again, I wondered what absolute surrender would feel like, and how I would know if I was doing it? A recent speaker at an meeting put it into terms that I could understand. He said that turning our will over is like dancing with a partner. If both try to lead, there is much confusion and little forward movement. As one who has taught many couples how to dance, I know the awkwardness and bucking that result when both partners compete for control. But when the partner who is following can relax and let the other partner do the steering, the couple flows easily across the dance floor.
Today’s Reminder
If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step. Then I can ask the God of my understanding to help me be a more willing partner.
“There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way we would like, but the program has shown me God’s will is the only way; it is up to me to work with Him and turn my life and will over to His care and guidance.”
…In All Our Affairs