When I first encountered the promises on pages 83-84 of the Big Book, I wasn’t very impressed because I didn’t believe them. Members with long-term sobriety talked of them lovingly and with expressions bordering on awe. From time to time, an entire meeting centered on that reading. I got stuck on “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” Well, I did regret the past, and not only did I wish I could shut the door on it, but I also wished that there were a chute inside the door that would send all my memories to the garbage dump. As for my experience benefitting others, I wasn’t particularly interested in benefitting anybody but myself. I was the one who was sick, after all.
I had been sober more than a year when one evening, after a meeting, I was talking to a shy young woman who was visiting our group. She was new to AA, and she told me that she felt she was different from the rest of us, perhaps unique, in that she had been raped. It was apparent that she expected me to be shocked. Although I was many years older, I was able to tell her about my feelings after a similar event in my past. I also was able to assure her that many women had had that appalling experience and frequently alcohol abuse was involved. The young woman became eager to talk to me about her experience and about the program of AA. She was very receptive to my words of encouragement.
It was hard to believe that anything could heal her wounds.
Later that night, as I thought about the events of the day, I suddenly saw how my experience had benefitted that young woman. I also realized that in telling her part of my story I had not experienced any self-pity. That part of the promises had come true, too. Somewhere, probably in a Grapevine story, I read about a person who put all past experiences on a shelf and took one off the shelf when it was appropriate to share on a Twelfth Step call or with a newcomer.
My past experiences no longer have the power they once had to rouse bitterness, hostility, and resentment. If those memories sometimes try to sneak back in and lure me into a pity-party, I have the tools to deal with them. I ask my Higher Power to remove the negative thoughts, and I give thanks for my sobriety, my life, and all the good things that have come my way since I embraced the AA program with all my heart.