One alcoholic sharing his or her experience, strength, and hope with another is the heart of Alcoholics Anonymous. This month, six more AAs share their thoughts on this topic, so vital to AA’s future.
I was sober about eight months when Charlie began to call. I met him at a young people’s conference. (What was he doing there?)
He would call me every morning and ask, “What kind of day are you going to have?”
“An excellent day,” I would reply (even though I didn’t really believe it). When he asked “Why?” I would reply, “Because I am not going to drink today.”
Charlie would call me regardless of whether I was working that day. It made no difference if I wanted to sleep in or had the day off. Most days he would call in the evening to see how my day went.
I was twenty-three-years-old, fresh out of a long-term treatment facility and I was on my own in a strange town. My face was badly scarred from my last car accident and my insides were badly scarred from a life of drinking, fear, and hate.
Charlie was in his sixties, had false teeth, wore string ties and smiled all the time. He was known as the “Official Handshaker” and would stand by the door at meetings and shake hands with everyone. He wouldn’t leave me alone.
He and my sponsor formed a sober tag-team. They made me get involved and stand at the meeting door to shake hands. When it was time to share and I hadn’t raised my hand, I would get a tap or an elbow. I eventually learned that Charlie was my sponsor’s sponsor, or my “grand-sponsor.”
They gave me their time. They would listen to me. Charlie would speak in stories that I didn’t really understand until later (and to be honest, some I still don’t understand). I often lost patience but they didn’t care.
It gradually dawned on me that these men loved me. They would make me laugh and made light of my problems. One time as I complained about their uncaring attitude, Charlie told me, “If I didn’t love you and think you were worth it, I wouldn’t spend my time with you.”
I began to learn the difference between my understanding of love and “AA” love. It isn’t always “warm fuzzies” and kid gloves and pats on the back. Sometimes it is the truth. I was told that sometimes a good sponsor disturbs the comforted and comforts the disturbed.
I have now been sober almost four years. I try to stay active and enthusiastic in AA. My life is wonderful compared to the hell I used to live in. I have a good job. I recently got engaged and got a dog. Charlie died over a year ago–I tried to shake everyone’s hand at his memorial service. I cried a lot but I feel as though he is still with me.
Charlie (and AA) have left me with an obligation. I fulfilled my obligation to the treatment center I attended when I paid my bill. I no longer feel a sense of obligation to my rehab. I do feel a sense of obligation to Alcoholics Anonymous. I can “pay back” AA by trying to be there for the next person to come through the door. I can give myself and my time. I can stay active and pay attention to the Traditions. I’m not perfect and I will never balance the ledger, but I can keep trying. After all, someone was there for me.