We’re on this earth to learn how to “bear the beams of love,” as William Blake wrote, to lean into the Spirit, to avail ourselves of healing, to ease the burdens of others, and not rely on overeating, drinking, drugging, watching porn, compulsively controlling people, or any other repetitive, self-medicating behaviors to escape reality and make life more tolerable—which they absolutely never do. To accept this challenge and take responsibility for your own life is “the Work,” as therapists and spiritual masters say. In my tribe, we call this pursuit “recovery.”
The Twelve Steps have taught me a lot more than how not to drink or use drugs. Abstaining from our addictions and self-destructive behaviors is only the beginning of the Twelve-Step adventure. The Steps are a tool that has taught me how to suit up, show up, and grow up. They’ve revealed that life only makes sense when we surrender; make peace with our higher power, ourselves, and others; and then cultivate a lifestyle that protects and nurtures these relationships. It’s hard, so we take it one day at a time.
Practicing the Twelve Steps has also shown me that happiness and serenity come when I can look at my circumstances and say to myself, This is how things are. I accept life on life’s terms. To be clear, acceptance is not resignation. Resigned people are a glum lot. They ruefully walk around acting as though life owed them something but failed to keep its end of the bargain.
But here’s the paradox—when you finally cease fighting everything and everyone and acknowledge you’re not in charge, you discover the courage, serenity, hope, and love for life that your heart longed for all along. As M. Scott Peck famously wrote, “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
I’m talking real freedom here, people.
Now, when the universe refuses to get on board with all of my wonderful plans for my life or when the Big Ache comes calling, I don’t reach for a fix in the form of a drink, a drug, or an Oreo, or start people-pleasing or status-seeking, or whatever. Instead, I reach for the Twelve Steps and acceptance. I ask, What does love require of me right now? and I steer myself in that direction.
These days, I keep my recovery on speed dial. I call on the Twelve Steps multiple times a day. I wanted a new life, and it has been granted to me. I once was lost and now am found. And for that, I say, “Thanks be to God.”