Like the author of “A Drunk Like You” in the Big Book, I, too, think scientifically and had to research whether or not I was an alcoholic. I first came into the rooms following a bout of drinking that had resulted in my seeing things, hearing things, feeling paranoid, and busting ghosts.
After a few weeks in AA, I became disgruntled. Drink had been my constant companion for twenty years and had not failed. Why, then, was I not getting the desired result?
I went back out and got the same results fear and insanity.
At the end of my last bender, as I was crossing the river into Hades, a spiritual awakening occurred. No, there were no flashing white lights, no boiling seas, no frogs raining from the sky. Instead, a little voice deep inside me said, “Hello, I am here.” It was a small voice, and sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch
It was my soul. It was my spirit. I had forgotten it. My spirit had been asleep. (Actually, I had knocked the S.O.B. out with a long, cold shot of anesthesia.) But my soul woke up that day. I was aware of it for the first time in twenty years.
I expected my spirit to be mad at me for neglecting it for so long. But my spirit said, very quietly, “I am not angry with you. I want you to be happy and healthy. I am here.