At the heart of recovery is the principle of paying it forward. This article is a great illustration of how this principle, when combined with another key AA principle of anonymity, can build a resilient inner security in the face of incredible, and often unconscious, uncertainty in our lives. The reflection below is poignant for me because it captures so well this uncertainty that impacts us all but most certainly our many friends now struggling with their powerlessness in the face of wild fires.
Phil is a well known psychiatrist who lives and practices in Soutbern California. You can watch a documentary about him on Netflix entitled ‘ Stutz’. He has been living and working with Parkinson’s Disease for over 50 years. He introduced the idea of the ‘reversal of desire’ in his book ‘The Tools’. The essence of the ‘reversal of desire’ is captured in the simple cartoons below. Most of us seek to stay in our comfort zone , but the growth of new possibilities and potentialities lies in what Phil calls the PUH … the pain, the uncertainty, and the hard work … that moves us out of our comfort zone to cross the difficult PUH waters and discover new possibilities and potentials. I see this as also a beautiful metaphor for the ‘limitless expansion’ (BB p.275) of our journey in recovery.
In his reflection below, Phil is applying this reversal of desire to the fires that have destroyed so much of what so many call home. And perhaps, we all have much to learn about our next step in responding with desire not resistance to what challenges us to let go of our comfort zone and discover as we accept reality as it is not as we wish it to be. This reminds me of the article by Tommy Rosen that tells us ‘we are all beginner’s to our next step’. It may also be useful to read Phil’s article about dynamic renewal of gratitude to overcome the negativity.- Bruce M.
Tie Knots Every Day By Phil Stutz
We’re not wired for uncertainty. But in the last two weeks, not only has Los Angeles burned to the ground, our future as a city feels completely uncertain. Even if your house didn’t burn down, even if you didn’t lose everything you own, this has introduced you to a degree of uncertainty that most people have never experienced.
When we’re faced with this level of uncertainty, we look to find it outside of ourselves. This might give us temporary reassurance that we live in a predictable universe. We don’t. Ask yourself after the last fire has been put out: do you feel any reassurance that they won’t come back?
There’s nothing about the outside world that will give us a sense of security. We have to create it from within. The most direct and powerful way we can achieve this is by giving to others, particularly when we expect nothing back. This has nothing to do with outcomes or results. In fact, your personal needs are put aside – even life itself. We saw this happen when literally thousands of people gave up what they needed, to focus on those around them. It was inspiring and astounding.
So what can you do?
Tie knots. Tie many, many knots.
We are all connected. And when we encounter another person, we can either deepen this connection or detract from it. Think of every interaction like tying a knot along a string. The knot is what holds us together. Even though you’re talking to one person, on another level you’re talking to everybody. When you do this a million times, you’re laying the groundwork for the most powerful force in the universe. Love.
So go ahead. Shovel your neighbor’s driveway, even though you don’t have time to shovel your own. Stop and give directions to a stranger when you’re running late for an appointment. Smile at the person passing you on the sidewalk, even if you’re tired. Don’t create an interaction because you have the time, or because the person is ‘important’. Do it for the sake of doing it. And don’t ever stop.
With love,
Phil
Excellent, Excellent article! Thank-you for sharing that.