STEP 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” This would have been a perfect epitaph for my headstone if my drinking had killed me before I got to AA. It was something I was constantly told; it was a feeling about myself that, although I didn’t like it, I came to accept. I became very ashamed of the life I had made for myself and the hurt I was causing to others. I was told that “real men” didn’t do what I was doing; didn’t say, act, or behave as I did. Being compared to a “real man” and being told that I didn’t fit that category hurt my already faltering self-esteem, but the look of shame and disgust on a loved one’s face was even more painful.
It was the shame I had for myself that fueled my drinking. Foggy memories of the night before led me to drink again; I’d get drunk Saturday to forget what I did Friday. My shameful feelings also kept me from asking God for help. Many times I would start to turn to God, but out of my own ignorance would stop. Why, I thought, would he want to have anything to do with me?
My Higher Power, although I didn’t realize it at the time, felt no shame for me, only love and compassion. But it was not until Step Seven that I noticed a major change in the way I approached God. I no longer had that feeling of shame. I went from standing in front of God with my shoulders slumped, my head hanging down, and an overwhelming feeling of disgrace, to kneeling in his presence with my head bowed, hands folded, and feeling very humble. I no longer begged and pleaded; I asked and listened. And I accepted.
I began to realize that all things are done in God’s time. If my Higher Power’s answer to me was “no” or “not now,” I humbly accepted his answer. I knew that his answer came not out of shame, punishment, or disgust for me. Knowing that there was one who loved and cared for me unconditionally was the spark of hope I needed to start my journey into a new life.
Today, my feelings of shame and disgrace have disappeared. I’m no longer concerned if I am considered a “real man.” I’m an alcoholic and a child of God. And I know I’m loved and accepted as both.