THE practice of tolerance, and the understanding of others is of utmost importance in the recovery of the confused alcoholic. The use of tolerance is particularly difficult to some convalescent alcoholics in their relations with others who are having difficulty in adjusting themselves to the AA Program of rehabilitation. We have admitted that only a higher power can remove our defects of character, and our drinking problem; therefore, until God ordains otherwise, a man ought to bear patiently whatever he cannot correct in himself and in others. Consider it thus–perhaps to try our patience, and to test us, for without trial our merits are of little account. Nevertheless, under difficulties we should pray that God will help us bear them calmly.
If, after being approached or admonished once or twice, a person having difficulties does not amend, we should not argue with him or fret about him, but commit the whole matter to God that his will and honor may be furthered, for God knows well how to turn evil into good. (A look into any AA gathering is sufficient proof of that) We must bear patiently with the defects of others, whatever they may be, because we have many faults which others must endure.
If we cannot make ourselves what we would wish to be, how can we possibly bend others to our will. We want them to be perfect, yet we do not correct all of our own faults. We wish them to be severely corrected, yet we will not correct ourselves. Their great liberty displeases us, yet we would not be denied what we ask. We would have them bound by certain restrictions and laws, yet we will not allow ourselves to be restrained by the same. It seems clear to me how seldom we think of others as we do of ourselves.
We must support one another console one another, mutually help, counsel and advise, for the measure of every man’s virtue is best revealed at the time of adversity–adversity does not weaken a man but rather shows what he is.
I firmly believe that if we put these principles into action, our sincere prayers to the Higher Power to remove our defects of character that have accumulated from years of uncontrolled drinking will be answered, and our recovery, be it God’s will, shall be complete. Without positive action along these lines I do not believe our sobriety will be extensive or serene.
When a man is not troubled, it is easy to be fervent and devout, but if we can bear up patiently at the time of adversity, there is hope for great progress. It is only by our trials and temptations that our progress in AA can accurately be measured. Only through our failures and trials do we get the opportunity to soundly test our merits and virtues, and can these be made more manifest. For many of us it will be only through patience, tolerance and long suffering that we will overcome them, and then only with God’s help, and not our own rash ways. We must not be harsh on those who fail and are tempted, but console them as we ourselves would wish to be consoled.