Finding Clarity & Practicing Patience – Each Day A New Beginning April 27th

So much to say. And so much not to say! Some things are better left unsaid. But so many unsaid things can become a burden. –Virginia Mae Axline

The occasions are many when we’d like to share a feeling, an observation, perhaps even a criticism with someone. The risk is great, however. She might be hurt, or he might walk away, leaving us alone.


Many times, we need not share our words directly. Weighing and measuring the probable outcome and asking for some inner guidance will help us decide when to speak up and when to leave things unsaid. But if our thoughts are seriously interfering with our relationships, we can’t ignore them for long.


Clearing the air is necessary sometimes, and it freshens all relationships. When to take the risk creates consternation. But within our quiet spaces, we always know when we must speak up. And the direction will come. The right moment will present itself. And within those quiet spaces the right words can be found.

If I am uncomfortable with certain people, and the feelings don’t leave, I will consider what might need to be said. I will open myself to the way and ask to be shown the steps to take. Then, I will be patient.

4 thoughts on “Finding Clarity & Practicing Patience – Each Day A New Beginning April 27th

  1. This article gets into the real world of exercising discretion and learning to trust our intuitions as we also become conscious and clear about our spiritual condition. It reminds me of this section below of the 11th step in the Big Book at pages 86 & 87:

    Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

    In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

    1. Spot Inventory Mini Steps (page 91) – 1. We need self-restraint, 2. Honest analysis of what is involved (which may involve our sponsor or trusted advisor), 3. A willingness to admit when the fault is ours , 4. An equal willingness to forgive when the fault is elsewhere
    2. Progress (page 91) – We need not be discouraged when we fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplines are not easy.  We shall look for progress, not perfection.
    3. Self-Restraint (page 91) – Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.  This carries a top priority rating…Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.  We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power driven argument.  The same goes for sulking or silent scorn.  These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness.  Our first job is to sidestep the traps.   When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think.  For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.
    4. Self-Control Over Not Just Negative But Positive (page 92) – Blinded by prideful self-confidence, we were apt to play the big shot.  Of course, people turned away from us, bored or hurt. 
    5. Humility (page 92) – We are today sober only by the grace of God and that any success we may have is far more His success than ours.
    6. Acceptance & Tolerance (page 92) – Finally, we began to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.  It will become more and more evident that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.
    7.    Realistic Expectations About Love & Tolerance (page 92) – Such a radical change in our outlook will take time , maybe a lot of time….Most of us must admit that we have loved but a few, that we have been quite indifferent to the many as long as none of them gave us trouble; and that for the remainder – well, we have really disliked or hated them.  Although these attitudes are common enough, we A.A.’s need something much better in order to keep our balance.  We can’t stand it if we hate deeply. 
    8.  Mini – Steps – How Do We Grow In Love &  Tolerance (page 93) – 1. We can stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love, 2. We can show kindness where we had shown none.  3. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy , perhaps going out of our way to understand and help them. 4. Prompt Admission Of Failures – Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptly admit it  – to ourselves always, and to them also, when the admission would be helpful. 

    1. Thank you! I love this summary. One day I might have memorized and change these practices from tools, to skills, and then be unconsciously conscious of them. I remain a work in progress.

  2. This is a great reminder to tap into our “unsuspected inner resource “ and wait for the right answer to come instead immediately responding to any situation.

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