Act in good ways, and faith will be born of the good that happens
RECENTLY, I read a newspaper article in which the writer stated that he could not, of course, will himself to believe. I smiled out of past identification. For most of my life, I tried to find the “truth” and the “meaning of life.” I went from one religion to another. Initially, I would experience the joy of discovery, but ultimately there always came the despair of disenchantment. My soul sickness grew worse, and so did my drinking.
Finally, two and a half years ago, I came to AA, not to find faith but to learn how to live without alcohol. At first, the group was my higher power. Then, slowly, a deeper faith began to develop within me. Today, I have a faith that I never thought possible. But it came about only after I stopped asking so many questions and started taking action to change my self-centered attitudes.
Today, my faith amounts to faith that rather than faith in: faith that if I can continue to live according to certain principles, I can lead the best life possible for me. My faith in had always been a kinky bag of intellectual non sequiturs, which is just a fancy way of saying it didn’t amount to beans.
Today, I believe that faith is as faith does–it’s that simple. The basic simplicity of it all still astonishes me. The final justification for my faith lies in the quality of life it produces. Whether I conceive of God as a set of immutable cosmic laws or as an old man with a white robe and matching beard is totally and gloriously irrelevant. All that matters are my values and attitudes and how I act upon them. That I try to do God’s will as I understand it is for me the ultimate meaning of life.
I cannot find words adequate to express my gratitude to God and to Alcoholics Anonymous.