A man from Nepal reminds him that we don’t have the power to get people sober. We just hope and keep reaching out
On a cold morning in February, I got a call from an AA friend who was working with a local ministry group that helped refugees and immigrants who had been given asylum in the United States. These were people who had been persecuted for their religious or political beliefs in their native countries.
She was trying to help one of the immigrants named H., a married man in his 30s who, among other things, had gotten into some type of trouble as a result of his alcoholism while living in Nepal. He had just arrived to join a few of his relatives who had recently settled in our city. She asked me if I’d be willing to make a Twelfth Step call on him and whether I could work with him as a temporary AA sponsor.
My first thought was, Where’s Nepal? My second thought was, I wonder if he speaks English? I quickly found a map and identified Nepal as a small, mountainous country north of India and home to Mt. Everest.
My friend told me that the man did not speak English but had acquired rudimentary English writing skills. She was trying to find a translator to work with him, since his family spoke only Nepali.
I agreed to meet with him. After I hung up the phone, I found myself trying to figure out how I was going to take someone through the Big Book and the Twelve Steps even though he and I did not speak the same language. It seemed likely that H. probably knew absolutely nothing about alcoholism or AA. So I did what I always do when asked to sponsor someone. I reread the Big Book chapter “Working With Others,” which always reminds me to “tell him exactly what happened to you.”
Later that week I met H., and fortunately an interpreter was there to help. I did what was suggested in the chapter, briefly telling him my story, explaining how I had a peculiar mental twist leading to that first drink and that once I started drinking I couldn’t stop. Unable to control my drinking, I became hopeless and learned that I had an illness called alcoholism that was fatal if left untreated. The good news was that in AA, I had found a solution and a new way of life without needing to drink.
I asked him to tell me his story, which he did as best he could. I could not diagnose him as alcoholic, but it was clear that whenever he drank serious problems arose. He was unable to control his drinking once he started and when he wanted to stop drinking, he could not.
We set up a second meeting and in the interim I texted him to gauge his English skills. Our exchanges were rough at best, so I decided to get him a copy from the New York office of the Big Book written in his native language, Nepali, which I thought might help him even if I couldn’t. When H. failed to show up for the second meeting and became unreachable, all I knew to do was send the Nepali Big Book to the office of my friend’s refugee ministry in the hope that they would be able to get it to him.
I desperately wanted this story to have an upbeat, joyful ending, one that would allow me to share that despite the cultural and language differences, this young man from far away, now living in a foreign land, found sobriety through the AA program and Fellowship. Not knowing what happened to him or how he is doing is both frustrating and a bit sad. The feeling that I somehow failed him rustles around in the back of my mind.
I think about how Bill W. tried to help alcoholics during his early sobriety and failed with his first half dozen. The chapter “Working With Others” tells me not to get discouraged if my prospect does not respond at once and that I should seek out another alcoholic and try again.
So that’s what I’ll do, as I have done dozens of times before when my Twelfth Step effort failed to nudge an alcoholic toward sobriety. I’ll try again. I’ll tell my ego that I don’t have the power to get anyone sober, or drunk for that matter. All I can do is try.
I suspect I will never hear from H. again, but I wish him the best. Just because he did not respond at once doesn’t mean he won’t respond in the future. I’m grateful that I’m staying sober and I’m ready to reach out to the next alcoholic who comes my way.
That’s what AA is all about. We keep the hand of AA extended, we tell our stories, we try to carry the message, we remain humble and responsible, we do not get disheartened, and we never give up. One day at a time.