Attitude Adjustment – Grapevine Article January 2006 by Gee

A nice way to start the day

I am an alcoholic who has been sober and recovering for just over eight months now. What an incredible ride it has been. From the moment I pulled open the doors to my very first meeting, I felt something different, something good was going to happen. Those doors, which at the time I believed to be the heaviest ever made, allowed me to walk into a new way of life. I don’t remember what exactly was said, nor do I remember any one person in particular, but I do remember the incredible feeling of positive power in that room. It certainly struck me hard enough to make me come back the next day, and I did. I chased that feeling from room to room, the same way I chased the seemingly wonderful effects of my first drunk. Every drunk got progressively worse. To my surprise, I found that same great feeling that I had in my first meeting in every room I went to. Sometimes more powerfully than others, sometimes the same, but never less.

It hasn’t been easy. My emotional bottom came in sobriety. Everything seemed to be going wrong, with one tragic occurrence after another. My life was suffering emotionally, professionally, and spiritually. I was mired in depression. It was awful. I lost weight and was slowly losing my mind. I actually had to sit and feel all of those feelings I worked so hard to drown out with alcohol. I knew that I couldn’t drink anymore. It would only make things worse. I just had to deal with those things called feelings. I guess I always had them, I just never felt them before. Too drunk to. Waking every morning, I would ask myself, What else could possibly go wrong today? I knew something would go wrong. Who knew what, but something would. Nice way to start the day, huh?

So, I made the decision to keep coming to the rooms. It was the only thing going right for me. I felt great when I was in a meeting. The “committee” in my head took a break when I was there. I laughed, smiled, and listened. Little by little, I got it. Then, one day, nothing went right, but nothing went wrong. It just went. I went with it. Then another day. Then another, but this time I smiled and even chuckled. The next one, I laughed. It seemed that the good feelings from the meetings were starting to carry over to the rest of my day. My days were actually getting better.

I was starting to feel joy. I was smiling on the inside. Gratitude, dare I say, was beginning to creep into my vocabulary. I shared those feeling with new comers. I felt better. I started working the Steps and felt better still. Sobriety, I realized, is also progressive.

Now, months later, I have a great deal of respect and gratitude for my disease. Without it, I would never have found this new way of life. I have become happy, joyous, and free. Don’t get me wrong: my life isn’t perfect. There are many situations that I’m working to resolve, but I don’t pick up a drink a day at a time. Not picking up a drink creates infinite possibilities for me. What are those possibilities? I don’t know, but I do know that when I wake up in the morning I pray for what I need to get through the day sober. I also smile and say to myself, Who knows? This could be the greatest day of my life!

Nice way to start the day, huh?

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