SIxth Step – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
THE FIRST STEP was a cinch for me. I had run out of options, and the results of my drinking had been devastating; so self-debate about drinking simply didn’t exist. I knew I couldn’t drink safely. I did the First Step at the moment I entered a hospital for detoxification, and I have never questioned it since.
It then took several weeks to get to the Second Step, but it became apparent that I hadn’t stopped drinking on my own. A Higher Power had obviously intervened, so the Third Step was understandable and necessary.
My sponsor pushed, shoved, and tugged, and I eventually did the Fourth and Fifth Steps. From that point onward, I made immense progress. Even the Ninth Step was faced with resolution and courage. I made the appropriate amends and experienced the feeling of liberation that my sponsor had promised. The other Steps were the logical extension of the program for me. I became active in Twelfth Step work and enjoyed the rewards.
Still, something was missing. There remained lingering feelings of vague discontent. The personality flaws I had uncovered in doing the Fourth and Fifth Steps had diminished–but were still there. And they started up the same old process that had produced feelings I had when drinking–impatience, irascibility, quick temper, and an unforgiving attitude toward others. I didn’t like the way I felt, so I had dinner with my sponsor and discussed my situation frankly with him.
He gave me one of his knowing smiles, but said nothing. “Well,” I demanded, “what’s your solution to this problem?”
“You really think you’ve done all the Steps, don’t you?” he asked. I assured him, somewhat indignantly, that I had. Hadn’t I done the Fourth and Fifth with him? Had he not seen my Twelfth Step activity with his own eyes? Wasn’t he aware of how faithfully–in my mind–I was doing the Tenth Step?
“All very true,” he said, “but what about the Sixth Step?”
That came like a bolt from the blue. Of course, I was willing to change and have my Higher Power remove my defects of character, wasn’t I? . . . Was I?
If I was sincerely willing to change, why did I remain so much the same? I realized that I had been paying lip service to the Sixth Step. Compared to most of the other Steps, the Sixth is apparently simple. I believed this, because no overt action seemed required. There is none of the dramatic confrontation that exists when we do the Ninth Step, nor is there the feeling of accomplishment that comes with the Twelfth. The Sixth is not dramatic. There are no enthusiastic witnesses to rush up and shake one’s hand. It’s a rather solitary affair and hence seems simple.
The Sixth Step means facing ourselves, and that is often more difficult than being honest with another person. I have found it difficult to lie to others but still easy to lie to myself. When I say, all too swiftly, “Of course, I’m willing to change,” I now ask myself, “Really? Who’s kidding who?” The fact that I am now questioning my willingness to change has increased my ability to be increasingly willing. I simply don’t take the process as lightly as I did before. I can’t learn anything unless I’m sincerely willing to learn. Nor will making myself promises to change have any significance until the willingness factor is developed.
My sponsor intervened again with a few of his pointed questions. “You played football in college, didn’t you?” he asked–knowing full well that I had. He reminded me that I had told him I absolutely hated the practice, “getting all those lumps and bruises for no good reason.” And he also reminded me how I had said I loved the actual game, especially the applause when I did something very well.
“You know,” he said, “no one gets all excited about the practice. It has no flash to it. It’s the game that counts. But a good game performance requires hard practice. And the Sixth Step can be compared with football practice. If you’re going to continue to make progress in the program and with the other eleven Steps, you have to really work on the Sixth Step. Don’t stand around on one foot waiting for applause. There won’t be any. But you’ll play a far better game.”
What my sponsor told me carries an important moral lesson. It’s one I’m working diligently to learn, because I now–finally–see the true value of the Sixth Step