Four Paradoxes Of AA – Grapevine Article December 1953 By John P

AA medallions includes the Shakespeare quote “To Thine Own Self Be True”. This quote is both an aspiration describing a direction we move toward as well as a marker of the progress we’ve made and are making ‘one day at a time’.

I believe practicing these four paradoxes is incredibly prescriptive in helping us uncover and discover what is most true about ourselves. I hope this article inspires us to practice with more awareness and fidelity these paradoxes as a means to the ‘limitless expansion’ of the AA way of living.

I had never heard of these ‘four paradoxes’ until I happened upon them quite recently. Obviously, the shirt below suggests I’ve missed something! These four paradoxes were originally included in a story written by John P that appeared only in the 2nd edition of the AA Big Book. The story is entitled “The Professor and Paradox”. You can read more about John P’s life here.

I believe paradox has a powerful way of reminding us ‘we know but a little’ (BB p.164). As we see the limits of our own rationality and understanding ; perhaps we can move with more intention and rigor in our practice of humility. Bill W reminds us ‘the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of AA’s Twelve Steps’ (12&12 p.70) – Bruce M.

A PARADOX, you may already know, is a statement which appears to be false, a statement which is self-contradictory, but which upon careful examination proves to be true.

1. We surrender to win. On the face of it, surrendering certainly does not seem like winning. But it is, in AA. Only after we have come to the end of our rope, hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives beyond which we can go no further, only when we hit “bottom” in despair and surrender, can we accomplish sobriety. . .which we could never accomplish before. We must, and we do, surrender to win.
2. We must give away to keep. That seems absurd and untrue. How can you keep anything if you give it away? But in order to keep whatever it is we get in AA, we must go about giving it away to others, for no fees or rewards of any kind. When we cannot afford to give away what we have received so freely in AA, we had better get ready for our next “drunk.” It will happen every time. We’ve got to continue to give it away in order to keep it.
3. We have to suffer to get well. There is no way to escape the crisis, the terrible suffering of remorse and shame and embarrassment which starts us on the road to getting well from our affliction. There is no new way to shake out a hangover. It’s painful, and for us, necessarily so. I told this to a friend of mine as he sat weaving to and fro on the side of the bed, in terrible shape. I said, “Lost John (that’s his nickname) Lost John, you know you’re going to have to do a certain amount of shaking sooner or later.” “Well,” he said, “for God’s sake let’s make it later!” We suffer to get well.
4. We have to die to live. That is a beautiful paradox straight out of the biblical idea, of being “born again” or in losing one’s life one shall find it. When we make out our Twelve Steps, the old life of guzzling and fuzzy thinking and all that goes with it gradually dies, and we acquire a different and better way of life. As our shortcomings are removed, one life of us dies, and another life of us lives. We in AA die to live.

Another Take On Four Paradoxes By Jamie S.

Armed with these ultimate truths, my sponsor set out to teach me what the Four Paradoxes meant and how to apply them in my life. He said to me, we can’t win against addiction, so we surrender instead. This does not mean we give up. It means we stop fighting our addiction as though we can defeat it and control it and continue our ways of recklessly partying with no consequence. As soon as we surrender, the battle is over, and we are spared and that is how we win; by choosing not to fight. What I learned was that surrendering is harder than it sounds because addiction will never give up. It just keeps coming back for more, even when doing so is punishing and futile. And that is why hitting bottom is so necessary. It is the moment during which we admit that we can’t take it any longer and cry out to be rescued, and our cries are heard and answered.

The next key I learned is to give away what we have learned about success in sobriety. It is not meant to be a well-kept secret. And so we give to all who have the same desire that brought us together. By doing so we get to keep what we cherish most, the ability to say “No” to any cravings, and temptations that addiction can throw at us. The mantra I practice is “No matter what, drinking and using are not an option.” To use any substance would cause us to lose our sanity; a priceless and precious gift that is given to us, only when we are ready and willing to believe and accept that a power greater than ourselves is the ultimate provider, ever reminding us, that by ourselves we are powerless over our addictions.

Next, my sponsor said, prepare yourself to suffer. There is pain in recovery, and you will not be spared all that is necessary for growth and change. Get used to it and fear not the suffering that will make you strong. It is the only way to really get well.

And lastly, he said, you must die to live. At that I balked in ignorance until he explained what it meant. You have been burdened by your ego. You have Edged God Out of your life and replaced it with a voice in your head that fills you with judgment against others whom you think have harmed you. And so, you justify your resentments because you believe you were right, and they were wrong. This must end or you will perish. This false self must die. You must free yourself from its curse and only then can you be allowed to hear the truth that pours from the hearts and minds of those who have walked the path of recovery and marked all the places where relapse lives. When you have finally given up and allowed the self-will of your bad character to die, what remains is good and ready and able to lead you towards an everlasting knowledge of the next right thing to do. With that as your guide, the path will take you to the promises that wait for all to harvest and share and rejoice.

‘Another Take On Four Paradoxes’ was extracted from an article you can read in its entirety here