Let’s begin the 4th step inventory process with a focus on the big picture before we get down into the many details this process suggests. This is consistent with the instructions in the Big Book to ‘first, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused us failure’ (BB p.64).
AA Big Book pages 63/64 – Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.
Identifying Flaws & Assets
Rather than starting from scratch, the list below has been used for decades to assist with this process. Here are 5 notes that were supplied with this list:
- This inventory is NOT an exercise in beating yourself up. Be scrupulously honest but be fair to yourself. Inventory your strengths and assets as well as your defects.
- The following checklist merely SUGGESTS what some people consider flaws. You much decide for yourself how they fit with your own moral code. Do not be limited by this list – add your own flaws and assets. It is in this Fourth Step that you begin to discover YOUR own values – what you consider right and wrong, functional and dysfunctional behavior – and how you live up to YOUR standards.
- This inventory is about who you are NOW, not who you were when you were drinking and taking drugs. Be careful, however, not to blame all past bad behavior on drinking and drugs if the seed of that bad behavior still exists in you.
- Don’t be discouraged when your character defects are not immediately lifted after you have completed your 5th step – that is the work of the 6th, 7th, and 10th steps.
- Prioritize! Spend most of your time on the 20% of your flaws that cause 80% of the trouble in your life. You can initially check off as many flaws as you want on the checklist but then prioritize to 12 that cause the most trouble. If you list more than 12 flaws, you are probably beating yourself up! You should check at least twice as many assets as you check flaws or you really are beating yourself up.
Into Action: On the list below, check all of your defects AND all of your assets. This is an inventory of both bad and good characteristics. Then discuss your defects (with your best example of each) on the Review of Flaws form.
Seeing More Clearly Our Contradictions And Avoiding All or Nothing Conclusions About Ourselves
To me, this is one of the most important values of this exercise. We are not all or nothing. We are very often both. To see ourselves as only one or the other is to distort the truth. Accepting our contradictions is to accept our humanity and to see ourselves with more clarity and rigorous honesty.
Most of us express this reality of our contradictions with expressions like “a part of me wants and believes X” but another part of me “wants and believes something completely different not X but Y”. This is not an indication of a pathology but rather a more accurate way of understanding and accepting ourselves and the multiplicity within us.
At the heart of our addictions, we often find an internal Jekyll /Hyde conflict that is fueling our addiction and perhaps negatively contributing to the quality of our sobriety and our potential for relapse. Coming to terms with this internal conflict is a very important aspect of what I hope you begin to experience in this exercise. You can learn more about this if you go the the section of the gugogs.org website and take the menu option ‘Healing Our Jeyhl/Hyde Divided Selves’.
One of the most realistic observations you can reach as you go through this first exercise is to see and accept how full of contradictions you may be. You may see a part of you that you would characterize as ‘procrastinator’ and another part of you that seems to really be ‘disciplined and acts promptly’. You may find that these contradictions relate to your emotional state … when I’m afraid I procrastinate but when I’m confident I’m disciplined and act promptly … or perhaps you see these contradictions triggered by certain people or circumstances. These would all be very valuable insights you might gain from this exercise. This should also give you hope that within the truth of your own life experience you see evidence of your character ideals while at the same time you often are reminded of how far you are from these ideals showing up consistently and predictably in your daily actions and attitudes.
Simply practice rigorous honesty with this exercise and then spend time with your sponsor doing a deep dive into what you’ve listed as your most significant flaws. You may wish to use the Set Aside Prayer as you both enter and exit this process.
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