I stood there in line growing more and more impatient. After all, I had important things to do. I didn’t have the time to stand in line waiting for their social hour to end.
My journey in recovery started in 1971. I returned from combat in Vietnam with an alcohol and drug problem. I’m grateful to be one of the first U.S. Marines to receive addiction treatment at the Kaneohe Marine Corps Air Station. This past summer I celebrated 48 years of continuous sobriety in AA.
While there have been many important experiences and discoveries during my recovery, I attribute much of my current peace of mind and well-being to emotional sobriety. Here’s one example…
About a month ago, I was having lunch with my close friend Dan. We ordered sandwiches, and while we were waiting for them to be prepared I ran over to the bank to make a quick deposit.
There was an elderly woman at a teller in front of me. From what I could tell her banking business was settled. But she was far from finished. She was engaged in a very nice social conversation with the pleasant teller who kept asking her questions about what she was going to do for the rest of the day, what she was going to have for lunch, where she got her beautiful blouse and on and on. She was loving the interaction. It was like she was standing there squeezing an orange to get every drop of juice out of it. She didn’t want that moment to end. She savored every moment of their conversation.
Meanwhile, I stood there in line feeling myself growing more and more frustrated and impatient. After all, I had important things to do. I didn’t have the time to stand in line waiting for their social hour to end. And then I reminded myself of something Bill had said: “It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”
Instead of focusing on what was wrong with them, I stepped back and asked the important question, What’s wrong with me? The answer hit me like a ton of bricks—they weren’t behaving the way I thought they were supposed to behave.
The moment I had this awareness it unhooked them from my expectation and I saw something quite beautiful. I saw a very lonely elderly woman who was probably socially isolated. She was having a meaningful conversation with a nice young man.
A deep compassion and warmth came over me. My frustration and impatience transformed into love and compassion. I realized in that moment that I don’t need people or things or events in my life to conform to my expectations; rather I need to find the best way to cope with what is. This is the gift of emotional sobriety AA gave me: living life on life’s terms, not mine.