The 1st Step is the most important one of all, and for so many, this is where the internal struggle begins. Admitting one’s powerlessness is hard enough on the ego, but it also hits on a deep fear that most people hold: the fear of change. One senses that “the party is over.” By really admitting your powerlessness over this behavior, you are taking a big step toward letting it go. Perhaps you are terrified of letting it go even though you know it has been detrimental to your well-being. Here is a question I have been asked by almost everyone who starts down this path:
“Tommy, is there some way you know of whereby I can drink a little or maybe smoke some pot from time to time?”
My answer is always the same. “You are asking the wrong question.” What you really want to know is “How can I be happy and free?” Since you equate drinking, smoking pot, or other addictive behaviors with happiness, you simply don’t want to let them go. And yet, when you take a look at your history, it is probably easy for you to see that your “habit” with this thing has not brought you happiness, but rather a lot of pain and suffering. How strange that you would like to find a way to continue something that has been so painful!
Such is the way it is for most people because to change means to venture into the unknown. Many of us would prefer to live in misery we can count on than to move into unknown possibility. You just have to let go of trying to keep things the way they were. That is the trick. Venture into the unknown and you will find that what you had feared for so long was just an illusion keeping you stuck.
Thus, the 1st Step requires tremendous faith. You have been stuck in really bad thinking that has been killing you slowly. Do not listen to your thoughts any longer. Rather, with humility and willingness as your guides, allow others to help you onto the shores of safety where your healing can begin. It’s important that you learn where you are powerless—over your addiction.
Also learn where you are powerful—in your surrender and in your ability to do a few things that will help you on your recovery journey. Begin to see what you can change and what you cannot. Walk the path of recovery to move out of unmanageability. Do the first thing first. Bring all your presence to doing one thing at a time. In the early going, your recovery must take priority in your life. Embrace it now. Make it the most important thing in your universe, if only for this one day. And then wake up tomorrow and do it again.