If minding one’s own business can work for the group, then it might work for her as well
TRADITION TEN: Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
When I sat down at my very first meeting, I was four days sober and miserable over the wreckage I was causing myself and others. I was comforted to see the Twelve Steps on the wall, but surprised to see Traditions. I had never heard of them before. When I read them over, Tradition Three made me feel welcome, Tradition Five made me feel hopeful—but Tradition Ten is what really blew my mind. It said, “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”
Woah. What a brilliant idea! I thought to myself. I instantly saw how I could use this in my day-to-day life. Imagine if I had no opinion on outside issues? The wreckage I had made had a lot to do with my big mouth and “edgy” opinions. My life’s mission had been to fix everything, because I always knew best. This drunk had all the answers, and I was determined to let you know it. But strangely enough, people weren’t grateful for my sassy pearls of wisdom. Who knew that people don’t like being talked down to? I always ended up hurting others, and myself, by trying to force my ideas on the world.
I knew my amends list would be long, but I became determined to stop it from growing, here and now. And Tradition Ten was the key. Any time I felt the urge to control someone, I repeated this mantra to myself: I have no opinion on outside issues. It helped me keep things to myself instead of piping up whenever I wanted. Suddenly I wasn’t hurting so many people anymore.
Was it hard to practice? You bet. But practice makes progress, and today—three sober years later—I no longer feel the desire to control everything. My way is not necessarily better than everybody else’s. I have no business sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. In fact, I’ve been using Tradition Ten as another Serenity Prayer, accepting the things I cannot change.
I still love to help people, especially when it comes to carrying the message of AA, but now I know that I can’t force my experience on you. I’ve learned the difference between helping and controlling.
Trying to fix everything, everyone, everywhere all at once made me miserable for years. The 10 tradition is awesome!