Where there is hatred let me sow love. . .” – Forgiveness comes when we love and bless the Power that flows through each of us
I ALWAYS thought “Forgive and forget” was a beautiful maxim. But I expected others to live up to it, while I gave it only lip service. So, for nearly six years now, I have been plodding along and slugging away at resentments. Part of the time, my progress has seemed to be remarkable. The rest of the time, about all I can say is that I was still slugging. In itself, the effort diverted my attention from that first drink, though it served no other purpose.
However, when I have diligently applied the “guides to progress” as outlined by the program and the loving, patient people in it, growth has followed, to a greater or lesser extent. Even a little is better than none–or rather, it would be if I could settle down and accept a half-measure. And a half-measure is the very best I have ever been able to achieve in those areas of my life where there seemed to be much to forgive.
Try, try, and try again. I wanted to forgive, for I wanted freedom more than anything else in the world, and I was completely “willing to go to any length to get it.” Yet, in my attempts to forgive fully and freely, I continued to miss the mark. How, I kept wondering and asking, does one “let go and let God” have those acts of others? The wounds they left in me would heal over from time to time, only to flare up again suddenly, as painful as ever. Howdoes one “love the person, not the act,” when the person seems to be constantly harassing one in some manner? How can genuine tolerance be achieved and maintained in the presence of a distinctly abrasive personality when, despite his “right to be wrong,” he so clearly reflects everything that good living and right thinking are not?
I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’ve found a few of them, and they have brought such bliss, such freedom! Among them is the old saw that we resent most in others the faults that we have ourselves. Recognizing this truth, I see I have real cleaning-up to do in basic thinking. In some cases, I thought it was already done, and in others, I never realized it needed doing.
But far better than all this was the forgiveness that finally came into my heart, releasing me in a clean, sure, swift manner from these trouble spots of my sobriety. This is how it happened:
I was trying to meditate one day, and my thoughts began to center on the passage in the Big Book that says something about us living, moving, and having our being in Him. “Well, of course, stupid!” I told myself. None of us could live, breathe, walk, think, or do anything without being “plugged in” to Something, That means we must run on some kind of master power line, which, in turn, runs out of a giant powerhouse. Hmm. A powerhouse sends of itself–or of its power–to everything that uses its power. And our giant Powerhouse sends of Itself in order for us to function.
Like my vacuum cleaner, for instance. When I get to feeling sorry for myself, I think I furnish the power that cleans the house. Who are you kidding, old girl? You don’t do anything but push the vacuum to where the dirt is. Without the power running through the cord, you couldn’t remove a grain of sand with the machine. It’s the power running into it and throughit that gets the job done!
Maybe I’ve been wrong (again!) in blaming God for things that happen in my life. I’m sure He’s everywhere all the time–like the electricity that is in the house wiring, whether I’m using it or not. Maybe He’s just “there,” but not shoving me in this direction or that, as I used to think. He operates Instead from within–actually furnishing the power that enables me to get myself where I want to go, to do the particular job I want to do, be it good or bad. I take the vacuum where I want it to clean. Just so, I take myself whichever way I choose. No matter where I take the vacuum, the power is still there–as reliable and good in one spot as in another. Just so does the Power remain in me. Because I choose something less than good, does this mean that the Power is less than good? Of course not, stupid!
Well, how about that! I’ve been taking the credit–and I haven’t the power, of myself, to so much as bat an eye! No matter where I’ve been or what I’ve done, the Power has never once failed to do Its share of the job! No matter how good or bad the “machine” seemed to be, the Power was always the same: good!
And then the beautiful truth really came tumbling in. If I’m this way, so is everybody. At anybody’s core, the central point of his being is the good. But this the human eye never sees–all we can see is the machine. What if the machine is acting up–the unfailing Power hasn’t changed from all good! If I don’t like what I can see, I can unhesitantly love the Power that gives it life. It’s the same as mine–and how I love It!
Now, seeing that my enemy is charged in this manner, I no longer have to grit my teeth and exert stoic effort to ask for blessings–not on him, but on the good (or God, if you like) that is within all men. Asking for blessings on “the God within” completely frees me from actual recognition (even if I have to close my eyes for a few moments) of the person or act that so disturbs me, for whatever reason. No feigned tolerance is required; no phony love for the person; no determined “forgiveness” of his act, or even acceptance of “the machine.” Instead, I accept the God that, I know, furnishes the power that runs through him. And God is always good–who knows that better than a recovering alcoholic?
We always get back–multiplied–whatever we give, be it good or bad. To bless is to confer or invoke happiness or prosperity upon someone. Therefore, when I bless “the God within,” I can expect, and I always get, the rich returns that a good blessing always yields: more and more of greater and greater good in my own life, beginning with this forgiveness business that so long eluded me. Loving and blessing the Power within a. man stops every twinge of resentment and unforgivingness toward him before it can grow into a strong emotion. After giving our best of the Power working within us to the best of the Power working within our adversary, what is there to forgive?