With his wife away and daughter in the hospital, this newcomer’s Christmas was looking bleak. AA to the rescue.
I’ve always wondered if our emotions and feelings are closer to the surface during the Christmas season than other times of the year. Is this because I’m reminded of the hope and joy that Christmas represents? It seems like I’m more sensitive to sadness, happiness, loneliness and joy this time of the year.
The Christmas of 1986 was probably the loneliest and yet most beautiful Christmas of my life. I was sober two years and eight months then. That Christmas morning I woke up a little later than normal, probably because I didn’t want to face the day. I put on my bathrobe and slippers and wandered out into the living room. There were no Christmas decorations, no tree and no gifts in the house. I was all alone. My wife was in Berlin, Germany taking care of her sick parents. My 20-year-old daughter had bronchial pneumonia and was in an oxygen tent at the hospital. There was going to be no Christmas for us that year. I was all alone, and I felt it. An empty house can be a very lonely place for an alcoholic.
I knew that if I felt like drinking, I had no fear about calling another sober alkie like me to share about it. A problem shared is half a problem, they say. I wasn’t so worried about drinking. Loneliness was my problem. I didn’t want to call another alcoholic on Christmas Day to whine about being lonely.
I believe the place inside me where I get the willingness to work my AA program is a gift from God. When I feel uncomfortable I get right in the middle of my program. Not to protect me from life, but to help me deal with life on life’s terms. I knew if I could find something responsible to do, I would feel better. Taking action, doing something responsible, always makes me feel better. It could be a simple thing like making my bed or cleaning the garage.
I walked around the house that morning looking for some responsible thing to do. I went past my office and looked up at the walls. I had been wallpapering that room and it was only halfway done. This was it, I decided, my responsible thing to do. I would finish wallpapering my office on Christmas Day. Why not?
I love God and his timing. The very second I find the willingness to take action, God steps in and gives a hand. I once heard a man say, “If you turn your electric light bill over to the care of God you’ll be sitting in the dark for a long time, but if you get a job, get up and do the job, then God will help.”
The very second I made the decision to do something to make me feel better, the phone rang. I had had the same sponsor for two and a half years and he always made it very clear that it was my responsibility to call him, not his to call me. Yet here he was calling me on Christmas morning.
“Chuck,” he said, “I want you to know that you’re not alone and that I love you.” He went on to say, “I just want to let you know that nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.” Then he continued with what would probably make no sense to a normie, but which made perfect sense to me. He said, “I don’t know what God’s will is but maybe your daughter is in the hospital at this time to keep her off the highway and keep her in a safe place.” He said goodbye and I hung up. That was the first time that man had ever called me.
My day changed in an instant. I no longer felt alone. I was loved. The joy of Christmas began to fill my heart. I even turned on some Christmas music and sang along. I changed my clothes and went into my office and finished the wallpapering.
Then suddenly the phone rang again. It was someone reminding me about the AA open house with a buffet lunch. Right after that the hospital called and said my daughter was being released that day. I went and picked her up, and instead of driving her home, I took her to that AA open house and buffet. I knew that she would want to be there too. My daughter has been sober in AA for two and a half years now. Her AA friends would be there along with mine. She and I got to feel the joy of being with friends. We had a reason to celebrate, for we were participating in life. A joyous gathering, a moment of thanksgiving.
My ability to celebrate is directly proportional to how much gratitude I have at the moment. If I’m at peace with myself, it means I’m at peace with the world. I’m grateful. I have reason to celebrate.
Every year at the AA meetings I attend just before Christmas, I like to share this story. How some simple phone calls changed my whole day. I always suggest to the members present to take time out of their Christmas Day to call another alcoholic and wish them good cheer and tell them you love them. I do this and my Christmas Days are always a little better for it.